The evolution of Ma'am

Back when I was in my early 20's, working at a residential camp in the south, a boy of about 12 or so called me Ma'am. I was a water-skiing instructor then, and I was giving him some instructions from the boat. Turns out he couldn't hear me very well over the idling engine, so as well-mannered little southern boys tend to do, he said "Ma'am?" with an expression on his face meant to indicate to me that I should repeat what I just said. It literally sent shivers down my spine. What did he just call me? Ma'am? Seriously? You can save that crap for my mom. As far as I was concerned, "Ma'am" was a title meant for an old lady, and certainly not one that I could wear comfortably. It was like an old wool sweater, all scratchy and itchy, and I couldn't wait to shrug it off. I couldn't even stand for it to touch my skin. "You don't have to call me ma'am" I told him. "You can just call me Rachel."

Fast-forward 6 years or so. I'd gotten married. And you know what else I didn't like? "Mrs." It's another title that I couldn't wear very comfortably. It was like a mu-mu, and I couldn't help but think that it made me sound so matronly. And frankly, I just didn't feel very matronly. I was way too young and hip for that. (On a side note, the only thing I found more uncomfortable than a straight up "Mrs." was a "Mrs. Mike". That's like wearing a corset 2 sizes too small, and a skirt made of nothing but layers upon layers of crinoline while walking for 3 hours in 8 inch high heels. I'm guessing that all you married women out there know exactly what I'm talking about. And in case you don't, I'll go ahead and fill you in. Once you get married, you start getting mail addressed to you as the "mrs. version" of your husband's name. Like I don't have my own first name, or that somehow my identity got swallowed up by him on the day we said 'I Do'. I know, I know....... It's supposed to be formal and polite, but can you imagine if we actually used those titles in conversation? "Hi. It's nice to meet you. My name's Mrs. Mike. Mrs. Mike Kafsky. And this is my sister-in-law, Mrs. Josh. And have you met my best friend, Mrs. Brent?" Is there anyone out there who doesn't think that's ridiculous? I'd love to know. As it stands now, any time we receive a piece of mail addressed to Mrs. Mike, I turn around and start referring to my husband as Mr. Rachel. I find it to be hilarious. I'm not sure he shares the same sentiment.) But getting back to the original topic at hand, I didn't like "Mrs." I prefered to be "Ms." Ms. Rachel Kafsky. And before I was married, I was Ms. Rachel Haynes. "Ms." worked for me, like a good pair of jeans. Not too tight, but not too baggy either, because after all, I still wanted a look that was flattering.

Skip ahead another 6 years or so, and now I have kids. Two of 'em, ages 3 and 5. And occasionally, when they want to impress me, or show their respect, or when they're in trouble and they know it helps them to be as polite as humanly possible, they refer to me as "Ma'am". And you know what? I like it. It's like I pulled that dusty title out of the back of the closet, brushed it off and tried it on again all these years later. And lo and behold, it fits! It fits like a glove! It's perfectly broken in, so it's not at all too tight or constricting. Somehow, all that scratchiness is gone, and it actually feels good against my skin. And not only is it comfortable, I think it looks great on me too!

So here's what I want to know...... When did that happen? When did the title of "Ma'am" stop making my skin itch? And when did it become an appropriate title for someone as young and hip as me? Because I know I'm not an old lady. I may have a few laugh lines, and some crinkly crows feet around my eyes. And I may have a few stretch marks here and there that are a daily reminder of the size of my belly (and butt and hips) during my pregnancies. And I may like to be in bed before ten, and I may even pluck a stray chin hair now and then....(blond, mind you)..... but I ain't no old lady. I'm young and hip and maybe......perhaps.......it might be possible that I am old-er. And while I still don't love the "Mrs.", when I pull that out and try it on, it's a little more flattering than it used to be. It's still a little matronly for my taste, but maybe now I wouldn't actually refer to it as a mu-mu. And you can trust me when I tell you that no one is more surprised about this than me. Though I think it's safe to say, no matter how much older I get, and no matter how much my sense of "fashion" changes, you can mark these words in stone: You will never catch me running around in that "Mrs. Mike" corset- crinoline-8 inch-heel-combo, ever. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure that'll never be my style.