Oh Internet, I think I need your guidance. Parenting is hard. It's hard for so many reasons. And mostly I feel like I'm decent at it, but yesterday........ Well..... Let's just say I may have made a questionable decision. But I'm in such a quandary! HELP ME.
Here's the low down: Gibson -- who is almost 6 -- Whizzes the bed with nightly regularity. And even though he doesn't like to, he wears pull-ups also with nightly regularity, which saves me from a non-stop barrage of smelly wet sheets and perhaps saves my sanity too. He's been otherwise potty trained since he was 2 and didn't ever really have many daytime accidents. And because he sleeps like a log -- a slumber so deep it takes 8 to 10 good shakes and a really loud voice to rouse him -- I KNOW he can't help it. I would never dream of punishing him for it.
Now let's cut to Landis, who is four and has also been potty-trained since he was 2. Contrary to Gibson, Landis has fantastic bladder/bowel control, never had any accidents and only pee'd his bed twice in two years. He doesn't sleep as heavily and gets up to go when necessary. I'm not really sure why I'm giving all this background information on the boys nighttime potty habits, except to say that they've been competent at going by themselves for a long time, with the exception of Gib's bed wetting --which I hope he'll eventually grow out of. No, the issue I'm struggling with is that Landis has recently taken up pooping in his pants.
Not a full-on load, mind you, but a pretty healthy start. Why, you may wonder, is a kid who has been going to the bathroom proficiently for 2 YEARS, pooping in his pants again? Well, it would seem that lately he just can't seem to be bothered to actually take the time to stop what he is doing and GO. He's into holding it. Holding it so long that, frankly, he can't quite hold it all. And he refuses to go until he ABSOLUTELY HAS TO, which usually means that by that time, he's pooped in his pants.
Now, Internet, the first few times this happened I was really nice about it. And what I mean by "first few times" is somewhere in the ballpark of 6 to 10. Who wants to get his or her child in trouble for what is seemingly an accident? Not me. I know that sometimes these things happen. But they keep happening and happening and happening. And it's not just the poop - though that's what I find to be the most aggravating -- it's that he waits to pee too. I'll look over at him as he's engaged in some activity, doing the universal pee-pee dance, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, and ask him if he has to pee. "No." he replies. And as he does so, I begin to see a wet spot appear on the front of his shorts. Just a small one -- the size of a quarter -- but a pee spot all the same.
"Landis!! YES YOU DO! I can see you starting to pee in your pants! Get in there and GO!"
He stomps off in a huff to use the facilities, aggravated that I would insist that he pry himself away from what he was doing to actually take care of business.
And I think I got to the threshold of my patience when, on one particular occasion after the scenario described above had played itself out, he returned to his previous activity STILL DANCING.
"Landis! Did you go potty?"
"Yes."
"You did?"
"Yes."
"Then why are you still dancing?"
"I have to go poopy."
"THEN GO!!!!!"
"No. I can hold it."
"No you can't! This is why you're pooping your pants! If you have to poop, then for God-Sakes, GO POOP! Quit trying to hold it until the very last possible second!"
Again, he stomped off in a huff because I had the audacity to actually make him go to the bathroom BEFORE he let one go in his pants.
After numerous attempts at just talking with him and trying to get him to understand that he needs to go the first time he feels the need to go, I finally told him that if he pooped in his pants again he was going to be in trouble.
So last night, as we were taking a bike ride to the park, he pooped his pants again. Of course, he didn't tell me right away so he proceeded to ride on it for 10 minutes. Then we played on the slides and the swings, and since I wasn't near his butt, I couldn't smell him. But after about 15 minutes of playing he announced that he had to poop, so I grabbed our stuff and we started walking toward the bathrooms. It was then that I realized he was walking a little funny.
"Oh no..... Landis........ You didn't already poop your pants, did you?"
"Ummmmm...." He felt around the back of his pants with his hands, checking his butt thoroughly. "I don't feel a big ball..........."
"OK, well then lets hurry."
We got into the bathrooms and I helped him with his pants only to make a fabulous discovery. Not only had he pooped already, AND ground it all over his butt, he also WASN'T WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR!! And his pants were lined with netting, so you can draw your own conclusion as to what that looked like. I seriously thought I was going to kill him. He couldn't ride home naked, and it didn't even matter at this point if I even cleaned it, since he was going to have to grind it all over his butt again on our ride back home. So I did what I could for him in the park bathrooms -- cleaning everything to the best of my ability -- and told both boys that since Landis had pooped his pants we were going home.
And when we got home I punished him.
And now I feel a little guilty about it.
On the ride home I told him that he was in trouble and I gave him 2 choices -- a spanking or a cold shower to get his butt clean. He chose the cold shower. And he cried the whole time like I was torturing him -- and while it probably doesn't qualify as torture.......well, it certainly wasn't pleasant.
So now I feel guilty about making a 4 year old stand in a cold shower, but I am COMPLETELY FED UP with the pants pooping. He's normal, and regular, and hasn't had a lick of trouble pooping in the potty for 2 YEARS! I've had it up to my eyeballs, and I'm officially at my wit's end. Internet? Was that OK? Has anyone else had to deal with this? I'm in bad need of some good advice, because this parenting thing? It's hard.
Here's the low down: Gibson -- who is almost 6 -- Whizzes the bed with nightly regularity. And even though he doesn't like to, he wears pull-ups also with nightly regularity, which saves me from a non-stop barrage of smelly wet sheets and perhaps saves my sanity too. He's been otherwise potty trained since he was 2 and didn't ever really have many daytime accidents. And because he sleeps like a log -- a slumber so deep it takes 8 to 10 good shakes and a really loud voice to rouse him -- I KNOW he can't help it. I would never dream of punishing him for it.
Now let's cut to Landis, who is four and has also been potty-trained since he was 2. Contrary to Gibson, Landis has fantastic bladder/bowel control, never had any accidents and only pee'd his bed twice in two years. He doesn't sleep as heavily and gets up to go when necessary. I'm not really sure why I'm giving all this background information on the boys nighttime potty habits, except to say that they've been competent at going by themselves for a long time, with the exception of Gib's bed wetting --which I hope he'll eventually grow out of. No, the issue I'm struggling with is that Landis has recently taken up pooping in his pants.
Not a full-on load, mind you, but a pretty healthy start. Why, you may wonder, is a kid who has been going to the bathroom proficiently for 2 YEARS, pooping in his pants again? Well, it would seem that lately he just can't seem to be bothered to actually take the time to stop what he is doing and GO. He's into holding it. Holding it so long that, frankly, he can't quite hold it all. And he refuses to go until he ABSOLUTELY HAS TO, which usually means that by that time, he's pooped in his pants.
Now, Internet, the first few times this happened I was really nice about it. And what I mean by "first few times" is somewhere in the ballpark of 6 to 10. Who wants to get his or her child in trouble for what is seemingly an accident? Not me. I know that sometimes these things happen. But they keep happening and happening and happening. And it's not just the poop - though that's what I find to be the most aggravating -- it's that he waits to pee too. I'll look over at him as he's engaged in some activity, doing the universal pee-pee dance, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, and ask him if he has to pee. "No." he replies. And as he does so, I begin to see a wet spot appear on the front of his shorts. Just a small one -- the size of a quarter -- but a pee spot all the same.
"Landis!! YES YOU DO! I can see you starting to pee in your pants! Get in there and GO!"
He stomps off in a huff to use the facilities, aggravated that I would insist that he pry himself away from what he was doing to actually take care of business.
And I think I got to the threshold of my patience when, on one particular occasion after the scenario described above had played itself out, he returned to his previous activity STILL DANCING.
"Landis! Did you go potty?"
"Yes."
"You did?"
"Yes."
"Then why are you still dancing?"
"I have to go poopy."
"THEN GO!!!!!"
"No. I can hold it."
"No you can't! This is why you're pooping your pants! If you have to poop, then for God-Sakes, GO POOP! Quit trying to hold it until the very last possible second!"
Again, he stomped off in a huff because I had the audacity to actually make him go to the bathroom BEFORE he let one go in his pants.
After numerous attempts at just talking with him and trying to get him to understand that he needs to go the first time he feels the need to go, I finally told him that if he pooped in his pants again he was going to be in trouble.
So last night, as we were taking a bike ride to the park, he pooped his pants again. Of course, he didn't tell me right away so he proceeded to ride on it for 10 minutes. Then we played on the slides and the swings, and since I wasn't near his butt, I couldn't smell him. But after about 15 minutes of playing he announced that he had to poop, so I grabbed our stuff and we started walking toward the bathrooms. It was then that I realized he was walking a little funny.
"Oh no..... Landis........ You didn't already poop your pants, did you?"
"Ummmmm...." He felt around the back of his pants with his hands, checking his butt thoroughly. "I don't feel a big ball..........."
"OK, well then lets hurry."
We got into the bathrooms and I helped him with his pants only to make a fabulous discovery. Not only had he pooped already, AND ground it all over his butt, he also WASN'T WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR!! And his pants were lined with netting, so you can draw your own conclusion as to what that looked like. I seriously thought I was going to kill him. He couldn't ride home naked, and it didn't even matter at this point if I even cleaned it, since he was going to have to grind it all over his butt again on our ride back home. So I did what I could for him in the park bathrooms -- cleaning everything to the best of my ability -- and told both boys that since Landis had pooped his pants we were going home.
And when we got home I punished him.
And now I feel a little guilty about it.
On the ride home I told him that he was in trouble and I gave him 2 choices -- a spanking or a cold shower to get his butt clean. He chose the cold shower. And he cried the whole time like I was torturing him -- and while it probably doesn't qualify as torture.......well, it certainly wasn't pleasant.
So now I feel guilty about making a 4 year old stand in a cold shower, but I am COMPLETELY FED UP with the pants pooping. He's normal, and regular, and hasn't had a lick of trouble pooping in the potty for 2 YEARS! I've had it up to my eyeballs, and I'm officially at my wit's end. Internet? Was that OK? Has anyone else had to deal with this? I'm in bad need of some good advice, because this parenting thing? It's hard.
9 comments:
That's a tough one for any parent. Aidan will do the pee-pee dance and occassionally wet his pants. I'm ALWAYS, ALWAYS asking him if he has to go, or if he is afraid it is going to run away? Aidan won't go in public restrooms...or try to hold off. The only reason he gave in a few weeks ago is that we were on vacation and I told him it would be a week before we got home...could he hold it? With a concerned face, he actually thought about it and then decided no, he couldn't!
I've thought about this several times trying to figure out how to get him to go potty when he NEEDS to and not wait, I think he is afraid he will miss some of the action (not that there is much action around here) but none the less...he doesn't want to stop.
So I always say...if you wet your pants because you just couldn't take a minute to go and use the potty then you will have to stay in and miss playing outside, or riding your bike or whatever the activity would be.
Good luck in your quest to stop the accidents. That is a tough one...but one I know and recognize from time to time!
Oh, Rachel! Yes, we have and I know of several other friends/moms as well (including use of a cold shower to clean up, making the child clean it up him/herself etc).
William is exactly the same way – we haven’t had the same poop issue (YET) -- but the whole waiting to go thing. I absolutely, positively think you did the right thing. I just put Will in time out yesterday for peeing his pants AT HOME (seriously, 3 bathrooms within a 5 second radius??). Unacceptable. I’m willing to concede an accident on the road, when a bathroom is inaccessible, etc. but not when he is in the playroom and just doesn’t take the time to go. You never have to feel guilty for being a parent.
It’s funny, when me and my brother were kids he was exactly the same way. My mom would say “Alex, go to bathroom” and he’d say “why do you always have to tell me and not Amy?” and my mom would say “because she GOES, Alex.”
Just saw this and have had hellish experiences with both!!!! Morgan still wets the bed occasionally and she has held her poop in her whole life (has had two gazillion mini "accidents") and takes Miralax every day which is a laxative for adults. I will get back to you when I have a good chunk of time to get into this.
We've been through this too. Mostly with the #1 but sometimes also with the #2 (by that I mean bizness #2, not kid #2 :}). But it was the same situation - after he'd been potty-trained for years. I can't remember our punishments. I think we told him he couldn't go to his Grandma's on the days he had accidents.
Oh I wish I could give you advice, but alas, I take my advice from you!
I have zero experience, but I have EXTREME sympathy for you!
Here's my favorite poop story (courtesy of the wife of the president of the company I work for -- which makes it even more funny).
Her daughter was pretty little (at least little enough to still be in a high chair). The little girl wanted something (I forget what) and her mom said no. So, in defiance, the little girl stood up in her high chair, turned herself around, pulled down her pants, and proceeded to poop onto the high chair tray.
Someday, she may be my boss.
hey Rachel,
How about a sticker for each day he is poopy-pants free, then if he makes it for the week (or 5 days or whatever) he gets a reward? (Toy, book, more TV time, treat, whatever). It's worth a try... I'm amazed at the lengths a kid will go to for the pleasure of peeeling a sticker off the sheet and putting it on a chart.
And also, does he have a regular time that he poops? You can get him to sit on potty and tell him he's NOT going anywhere until he poops, since it's obvious he's gotta go.... that may work?
Rachel, rachel....why do you doubt yourself??? You did exactly the right thing. Of course you were ticked because he pooped his pants and sat in it. You should have been ticked because he knows better. You taught him a valuable lesson---and that's what parents do. People do not poop their pants in this society unless it truly IS an accident. Do NOT feel guilty about being a good parent. A cold shower never hurt anyone....(It may actually have helped a few guys from time to time.) Aren't you reading John Rosemund anymore???? Geesh....a whack on the butt and a cold shower would have been fine. Beating the daylights out of him....that might have been excessive. (Although, I'm sure you wanted to.)You showed tremendous restraint.
xxoo MOM
Well, I may have been a parent for longer and have more kids, but I'm out there flopping around like a fish half out of water most of the time, too. Just a couple of weeks ago Eli took off his poopy diaper in the living room, peed behind the couch, and then smeared poop on the curtains and sheepskin. I was absolutely livid (we've had other poop incidents, too...so my irritation level had been building). He was spanked and put in his room and was allowed no more Thomas the Train videos for the rest of the week (this was a Monday, of course, the day all things go wrong). I could see the red imprint of my hand on his bottom. I am not proud of this and I understand the phrase, "This hurts me more than it hurts you." And when the girls were young, I considered myself anti-spanking. "Loving guidance," was my preferred method of discipline.
Well, neither of them ever smeared stinking shit around the house on several occasions.
I have my limits.
Hope this helps.....
Hugs,
Lynn
By the way, we haven't had any more incidents of this sort. I think the punishment worked.
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