I hear the secrets that you keep, when you're talkin' in your sleep.

My apologies to my loyal readers -- the few of you living out there in the blogosphere, checking in on the regular antics of the Kafsky family. I've been slack with the posting lately. Not for lack of material, mind you. It's just that I've been gone for a couple of weeks with wedding shin-digs and traveling, and the like. Did you miss me? Did you miss our regular chats about bodily functions and potty humour? Good, because today we're going to talk about butt-cracks. Specifically stinky-butt-cracks, and my four-year-old's compulsive love for talking about them ALL THE TIME.

You know, I thought I knew what I was in for when I had boys. I had a brother. I knew what he was like -- always asking my mom to make him penis-butter and jelly sandwiches. Or calling people "peacocks" because he thought it was heeelarious. He could also burp the alphabet and make great fart noises under his armpit. (A skill my 6 year old has honed to perfection and delights in showing off to his peers. I know this because we got a note home about it. It said something to the effect of "Gibson had to move his bee out of the hive today for making fart noises under his armpit during class." [Sigh.....] I'm beaming with pride. Can you feel it?)

But I digress.... I believe we were discussing butt-cracks. It's Landis's favorite thing to talk about. And he's discovered that he can use this phrase in a multitude of situations. Is humour called for? Stinky-butt-crack! Is the mood more serious? Stinky-butt-crack! Perhaps sad? Stinky-butt-crack! Maybe he's angry. Stinky-butt-crack! He's even been known to call me a stinky-butt-crack under his breath when he's in trouble. It's an insult I pretend not to hear since he does go out of his way to say it quietly, but also so as not to have to string him up by his toes from his bedroom ceiling. (How's that for a time out, you little stinky-butt-crack?) And just to illustrate my point about how often we have to hear this phrase, I'll share this story with you. Last night, around 10:30, Mike went up to make sure both boys were all tucked in before we went to bed. He adjusted Landis's covers, turned out his night light, and tousled his hair a little -- because really, he's so cute it's hard to resist. And how did our sweet little angle respond to this display of tenderness? He rolled over in his sleep, sighed a sleepy sigh, and right on cue, he muttered those 5 little words we never thought we'd have occasion to hear while he slept: "It's a stinky-butt-crack!"