Bootie Smackin'

Do you have kids? If you do, does naked-dancing-butt-smacking happen in your house too? (By your kids, I mean. I'm not interested what you and your significant other do in your spare time.....) It happens in our house on a regular basis, and I think it might be my fault. You see, I used to pat the boys on their naked little booties all the time, because they were just so incredibly cute. I couldn't help it. In that nutty little jigsaw puzzle of genetics, they both ended up with a Kafsky bootie. Mine was never very prominent. Even as I get older, it doesn't get "bigger", just flatter and wider. The boys' backsides, by contrast, were (and are still) these super-cute perfectly round little booties that just begged for a little pat. And now I think I've unleashed a monster. It would seem that I have, unwittingly, raised a 5 and 3 year old who absolutely and unequivocally LOVE to smack their own naked butts. Especially Landis, who gets out of the tub every night without fail, and dances his own special naked bootie smacking jig around the bedroom for at least ten minutes, laughing and singing all the while.

They think naked butts are hilarious; specifically their own. Is this universal to little boys, or is it mine in particular? Just yesterday I had to utter a sentence that I couldn't believe was actually coming out of my mouth. Do you know what I had to say? I had to tell Gibson to "get his butt back in his pants" or I was going to send Alex home and he'd spend the afternoon sitting on his bed. And just in case you're wondering what prompted that little statement, I'd caught him mooning the neighbor boy. All of them were laughing hysterically. Well........ let me re-phrase that. Gibson and Landis were laughing hysterically. The neighbor boy was laughing, but in a way that made me think he was wondering what he did to deserve a mooning. Seriously, I didn't think I'd have to utter a phrase like that for at least 12 more years. And even then I figured it would happen more in the context of me appearing unexpectedly in the family room while he and a girlfriend were getting too cozy on the couch.

And it'd be one thing if they confined their obsession with their own butts to our home. But they do it in public too. Not the naked part - thank God - but the smacking-dancing part. It can happen without warning, anywhere, anytime, and for any random reason. For instance, they were thrilled with my choice of cereal on a random trip to the grocery store. (Cereal, mind you.) As I tossed the bag into the cart, they began their bootie-smacking dance of glee, up and down the isle. "Yee-ha!!" they shouted, as they galloped, jumped and smacked, galloped, jumped and smacked. Some shoppers were bemused. Perhaps they had small boys at home too. Or maybe they were dancing-bootie-smackers themselves, and pleased to see the boys proudly and publicly carrying on a tradition.

Who knows? I certainly don't. I have no idea what goes on in those little minds, or what makes naked-dancing-butt-smacking so hilarious in the first place. Does everyone get it but me? I hope not. Because you know what they say...... If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.