Friday, January 30, 2009

I was just wondering.....

What is the appropriate reaction to have when your four year old randomly announces from the back seat of the car, that no one has to worry because he does NOT have any poop in his pants. I mean, doesn't that go without saying?

Saturday, January 24, 2009

A lesson in phonics

Gibson is learning to read. And to spell. Which is going to be a problem in the near future because Mike and I always resort to that top-secret-spelling-code that all parents use to avoid a super-charged reaction from the kids before we know for sure that whatever we are about to suggest is actually an option. You know what I mean.... You look across the dinner table and ask "Do we have any c-o-o-k-i-e-s?", or ask casually at breakfast "were you planning on g-o-i-n-g h-i-k-i-n-g with them today?" No parent wants to get their kids completely jazzed about a possibility that's not really going to happen.

So last night, in the car, when I asked Mike if he thought we should get a movie, I spelled it. And I can only assume that what the boys heard was something to the effect of "Should we go get a blah-dee-blah-blah?" Well........let me tell you, that got Gibson's attention, and he went right to work trying to figure it out. "What did you just spell?! What did you just spell?!" Then he knit his little brow and tried to sound out the letters of our top secret code word.

This is new for him. Usually, if we ask him to sound something out, he just blows us off and walks away, slumping his shoulders and muttering something under his breath about how he doesn't really want to. So it probably goes without saying that we were excited when he wanted to try it; That he was actually breaking a word down without any prodding from us.

Slowly, he figured out the 'M' and was working on de-coding the 'O'. Inspired by this sudden burst of self-confidence, Mike tried to help him out. "Do you know what kind of sound a long 'O' makes?" he asked. And from the backseat, it was Landis who answered:
Landis is only four, so I was shocked that he actually knew what a long 'O' was. More than shocked, I was impressed. Landis is a whiz, and I am continually taken aback by how smart he is.
"Great!" said Mike. "Now do you know what sound a short 'O' makes?" Again, the answer came from Landis. His reply?


And as his answer began to sink in, I started laughing -- Then laughing harder. And finally, I pulled the car into a parking lot because I was laughing so hard I was crying and I couldn't really see where I was going or what I was doing. And if I caused an accident, I didn't think the police officer responding to the call would find it nearly as hysterical as I did. "How did I manage to cause a ten-car pile-up? Well you see officer, my husband asked if anyone knew what sound a long 'O' made.........(Snort, giggle, snort, snort) and do you know what my son said? (Snort, giggle, gasp) he said OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (snort, gasp, giggle, giggle) Get it? (giggle) Do ya GET IT?! (snort) It's a LONG Oh!!!!!!" (This is the part where my legs collapse as I lose the ability to stand, and instead fall down and roll around in parking lot, guffaw-ing like a mad-woman).

I mean, let's face it. The poor guy would lose his patience with me -- and rightly so -- as I bent over and laughed uproariously, grasping at my stomach and slapping at my thighs. Plus, I don't think that a "laughing hard" defense would hold up in a court of law when I'd get arrested for disorderly conduct and/or get myself a "driving while impaired" citation. And then maybe he'd drag me downtown and have me tested for drugs, because he wouldn't know me and wouldn't know that in my case this sort of unruly behavior is fairly normal. That I, in fact, find lots of things to be downright hilarious.

So, um yeah... anyway........ I pulled into the parking lot a tried to get ahold of myself.
Which I did. Eventually. But even now, as I type this, it continues to crack me up. I'm sitting here re-living the conversation, chuckling quietly, and typing away with a huge smile on my face. And thank God I'm alone, because if anyone saw me, I know they would wonder if I had gone completely off the deep end.

So how about you? What has happened to you lately that made you laugh until you cried? Or made you wander around for days with a giggle just under the surface of the smile plastered across your face?

Monday, January 19, 2009

The Holy Trinity

It's supposed to snow tomorrow. I don't really believe it, because if you know anything about the local news in Charlotte, you know that they love nothing more than to REPORT HOW THE WEATHER IS GOING TO CAUSE DEATH AND DESTRUCTION TO YOUR FAMILY AND WREAK HAVOC ON YOUR LIFE IN UNSPEAKABLE WAYS. Seriously. It's ridiculous.

But Gibson has heard all the weather reports, and he knows that snow is a possibility. And he's dying for it. In fact, he said a little prayer in the backseat of the car today. It went like this: "Please, please, please let it snow tomorrow. (Raising eyes Heaven-ward) Santa, God, and Jesus? Come on! I know you can do it!"

(** Edited to add: Hey! Whadda ya know!? The kid gets a snow day. Who says prayers go unanswered? **)

Monday, January 12, 2009

Have you been hanging out with your college friends again?

I don't know if your kids do this, but mine like to sing songs they hear on the radio and substitute or insert words they think are funny. They're the usual suspects -- "potty words" like butt(s), poo, poop, poopy, wee-nus, etc.... So I hardly batted an eyelash when they started singing back and forth -- each trying to out do the other -- while they worked on their snowman projects at the kitchen table. They'd exhausted their regular list of funny words, and Gibson paused from his project as he tried to come up with something else to insert into the song they were singing.

And then I saw his face brighten a little, and with a triumphant little glow he crowed his newest version of the song back across the table to Landis. He was clearly proud of his word selection; It was funny sounding, but not one they think about very often, as it doesn't have that "potty" connotation they are always hoping for. But it had to do with a body part -- butts to be exact -- so I can only assume that this is where the connection came in.

And so, Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado I present to you the lyric that Gibson came up with. It's sung to the tune of "I like to move it, move it.......". Please feel free to sing along.
I like to spank it, spank it!
I like to spank it, spank it!
I like to spank it spank it!

Go ahead. See if you can go the rest of the day without singing that. Without singing that exact version. I dare you.

Landis was sitting at the table too, though he was looking wistfully off into the distance lost in his own thoughts. Quietly, he said "What if there was a race? A naked race. And you could see everyone's butts as they ran by." Then grinning wickedly he looked straight across the table at Gibson and added "A naked race would be fun. We'd laugh and laugh because everyone would be running and you could see everyone's butts." And then he threw his head back and cackled. And folks, I swear right then and there I could see the future.

"All right boys," I sighed, "Let's reign it back in. You'll be in college soon enough."