Dear Washington,

Let me get straight to the point. I have had it up to my eyeballs with you and your atrocious behavior, so sit your asses down and listen up. You are adults. Did you know that? Did you know that you are adults? Because you behave like children. Spoiled brats, to be precise. And every time you show up on TV whining and crying and bickering and pointing fingers, I think I might have to gouge my eardrums out with a fork. Seriously people, if I have to hear one more instance of you whining about how you didn't like how you were spoken to, and how nothing is your fault, or how it's always someone else's problem that you can't seem to get your work done, I'm going to go get the wooden spoon.

Here's a news-flash for you: YOU ARE GROWN UPS! START ACTING LIKE IT!!!!! But since you insist on behaving like children, I'm going to address you in a way that you can understand. You clearly need Momma to lay down the law. Now get your asses back in that room, and don't even think about coming out until you've worked it out. All of it. And I mean it. DO YOUR FREAKING JOB. Don't even consider showing your faces outside that door until you think you can behave in a civilized manner, because I can't take it anymore. Your asinine partisan antics are about to push me past my limits. And if I have to come up there.......... so help me, God..............you're going to wish you'd found a way to solve this yourselves. I wouldn't tolerate this kind of immature bickering and bullshit behavior from my 4 year-old, and I'm sure as hell not going to tolerate it from you.